Void	Seth Carey

The obsidian wall stretched as far as the eye could see. As his hand traced its glossy surface, he continued to wonder how it had gotten there. The man had been staring into its black for several hours now, unable to tear himself away. It was not so much that the wall held any interest for him; he was simply afraid to turn around. After all, he had no idea what might be there. Forever…never? He forced that bleak thought down into the far reaches of his soul, but even so he knew it would rise up again in a matter of minutes. The obsidian taunted him, glaring at him with his own eyes as they reflected upon its surface. Fear was in those eyes, but something else too—determination? Perhaps. Or maybe it was curiosity. Whatever it was, it eventually made him turn around.

And then the fear in his eyes was alone.

The rising sun cast a dim light over the desert, illuminating what appeared, indeed, to be forever. The sand stretched onward for miles, probably more. The man could see no end to it. What he could see was a road. It split the desert in a perfectly straight edge, and it also appeared to go on forever. Think. The man did just that. This is a paved road, obviously a man-made creation. If I follow it, I will find civilization. The man decided that this particular thought was good, especially considering the fact that his thoughts were few and far between. The man did not know who he was. The man did not know where he was, and the man did not even know when he had arrived at this place of which he had no knowledge. The man simply was. Hesitantly, he began to walk.

The man was positively alone. He stayed to the center of the road as much as possible, inexplicably afraid of the desert on either side of him. It seemed to exude a sense of doom as he strolled on, trying not to look at it. Minutes passed.

The sun was creeping its way to its apex, and the man was not doing well. He had only just begun this journey, and already he was beginning to feel both helpless and hopeless. Surely I am not alone out here? Surely, he was. The road stretched out into eternity before him. The possibility of that notion made the bile in his stomach rise, but this fear was naught when compared to the dread of the desert around him. Keeping his eyes focused on the horizon before him, he turned his thoughts inward. Who am I? No response. How did I get here? No memory. His mind was a void. The man might as well have been born at the base of the obsidian wall.

Suddenly, an echo cried out from the far reaches of the desert—a cry of terror and pain, misery and vice. While this terrible noise increased his fear of the sandy waste ten-fold, the possibility of finding another human being was a temptation beyond reckoning. He began to stray from the road, step by step treading closer to the desert.

“Stay away from there!” a voice cried out.

The man whirled around in surprise and saw before him a very old man. “Who are you?” he breathed.

“Someone with more years behind him and wisdom inside him than the likes of you, boy. What ever possessed you to stray from the path and head off into that barren wasteland?” The old man stared right through him, awaiting a response.

“There was a voice…a scream…” the man began, before the elder harshly interrupted him.

“Well, you’d be screaming too if you were lost out there in that God-forsaken desert. Are you a fool, boy?”

The man did not how to react to this person’s attitude. “I…I don’t know what I am. I don’t even know who I am, where I am, or how I got here.” This was truth, for the man did not know how to lie. He was helpless as a newborn babe.

“Stand by me, son,” the elder man replied. “I’ve been here a long time, and you have much to learn.” The old man began to walk, and his newly acquired son followed him faithfully.

The sun continued to rise, and the men continued to walk. As they did so, the elder imparted his infinite knowledge to the younger man, who understood precious little of it. The elder spoke of good and evil, of the nature of reality and of cause and effect. He spoke of God, and told the man that he must worship this transcendental reality, lest he burn in the Stygian depths for all eternity. This concept of ‘god’ intrigued the man greatly.

“What is God?” he implored.

“God is the creator of all things, the Father of Life. God makes the rules by which we live,” preached the elder.

“Did God create this wasteland?”

“God is the creator of all things.”

“Did God create me?”

“God is the creator of all things.”

The man became frustrated at the old man’s answers, and decided to shift the nature of the discussion.

“Are you my father?” he inquired.

The old man seemed amused at this question, for he began to laugh! “Hah! No, no, I am not your father. I planted no seed in your mother.”

This vexed the young man immensely. “Seed? Whatever do you mean?” The old man became visibly uncomfortable with this line of questioning. He became suddenly flustered and flushed, and he turned his head out towards the endless dunes.

“Forget I said anything, I go too far. To discuss such things is a sin in the eyes of the Lord.” He then turned to face his younger counterpart. “My son, in this life you will come to know many things. There is evil in this world, rest assured. Be strong; defy temptation. Be true to yourself, and to God.” At this, the elder raised a solemn finger to the heavens.

The man pondered this. Something about it seemed wrong, but he decided that he would think on it some more before arguing with the elder man. “If you are not my father, then why do you call me ‘son’?”

The elder shook his head and continued to walk.

Time passed.

The sun continued to creep towards its apex, and the old man was dead. After his wealth of knowledge had been drained, he muttered something about all roads coming to an end, dropped to the hot pavement of the road and ceased to be. The son who was not his son left him where he lay, unaware of burial procedures. This was just as well, as the old man would have sooner been picked apart by vultures then be buried in the ‘God-forsaken desert,’ even if God did create it. After the elder’s expiration, the man continued to walk.

The man, although visually calm, was beside himself with grief. The elder was the only human being he had ever known, and now he was dead. Hope lived within the man, for where one human could be found, surely so could another. Indeed, it was only a matter of time. Unfortunately, time was passing ever so slowly for the man. He had been walking for what seemed like years, and the sun was only almost to its peak in the blue sky. How can that be? he wondered. Then again, what do I know of time? I don’t even know my own name. Once more, this was indeed the truth.

The man walked on with his eyes steadily upon the road before him. Companionship had helped to dull his fear of the impending desert, but now he was alone. Utterly and completely alone, with only his unanswered questions and sparse thoughts to keep him company on the road running through the desert void. Occasionally there were screams from the sands, much like the one he had heard when the old man first appeared. His memory of that encounter had not negated his temptation to run into the desert. He decided that the elder would have been proud, for he had defied temptation time and again by staying on the path. Perhaps if he could hold onto his sanity, he might yet see the end of the road. The man continued to walk, the sun continued to rise, and time continued to pass. Slowly.

Walking down the long road, the man began to wonder when he might once more make contact with another human being, another of his kind. Even an animal would be a welcome sight, the man mused. Even a plant…something alive. Although to the man it seemed like months, even years, had passed since the old one’s demise, the sky told him that little more then an hour had gone by. The slowly rising sun caused him to burn with impatience—that is, until he considered the alternative. Without the sun, there was only nightfall. The thought chilled him to the core of his being.

It was as these dark thoughts were rising to the surface of the man’s consciousness that a ray of hope shone upon him. About thirty feet into the foreboding desert, the man could make out the huddled mass of a fallen human being. Probably dead, he thought. But what if he isn’t? This time, he would not resist temptation. He moved towards the desert. Slowly at first, he hesitated. Soon hesitation gave way to a growing sense of urgency and fear, and the man broke into a run. The desert had swallowed him whole. He ignored this mental image and raced towards the body in the sand. When he finally reached it, fear quickly turned to shock.

This was a human being quite unlike the old man and himself.

Its hair was much longer, its features more delicate. The body was a different, yet strangely alluring shape. A woman. This is a woman. The thought made little sense to the man, and yet somehow it seemed right. But the man did not have time to ponder this. The desert was silent save for the sounds of the cool breeze around him, yet somehow the shifting sands seemed very alive…and very evil. Once more he hesitated. Suddenly, another disembodied wail broke out in the distance, and the man scooped up the woman in his arms and ran like hell for the safety of the road. Panic rising within him, he stumbled and fell many times. Yet, his fear and resolve kept him moving until at last he was safe once more. The experience, however, had taken its toll. The man dropped the woman, collapsed, and sleep took him where he fell.

Time passed.

The man woke with a start as the woman slapped him across the face. Widening his eyes both in surprise and remembered fear of his surroundings, the man wearily deflected a second blow from his newfound companion. At least she’s alive, he thought thankfully. All things considered, the man was an optimistic person.

“Oh, thank goodness, you’re awake. I was beginning to worry,” the woman said.

Despite his bleary vision, this was the first time that the man had gotten a good look at the woman. After some brief scrutiny, he decided that she was pretty.

“Who are you?” he inquired.

“Who am I? That’s all you have to say to me, after I saved you from rotting on this hot road in the desert sun? You could at least thank me first!” she exclaimed loudly. Now the man was more confused then ever.

“Wha…saved me? But you were in the desert, and…” the man sputtered through parched lips.

“The desert?! Are you crazy? I was in no such place! I think you’ve got some screws loose mister…you’ve been out in the sun too long.” The woman rose and began to walk. Well, that much is true, he thought. Looking up at the omnipresent sun, he could see that it was about at its peak now…perhaps it was even beginning to fall, but he could not be certain. How long had he been unconscious? He briefly considered asking the woman, but she was obviously quite mad. Grateful for a companion, even if she was insane, the man got to his feet and began to follow her down the long, dusty road.

They walked for a long time in silence, casting brief glances at one another here and there. In the beginning, the man tried to find out who she was or how she had gotten here. She deftly dodged all of his questions with glib responses. At one point he asked her again why she had been in the desert, and her violent retort whipped the man into a long and steady silence. She was obviously as ignorant as he was, only too stubborn to admit it. After a particularly long and uncomfortable stretch of quiet, she turned to the man and spoke to him.

“You’re pretty cute, you know that?”

This comment took the man aback, for it had been awhile since he’d pondered anything about himself. Save the dim reflection of his eyes in the obsidian wall, he had never even glanced a view of himself. Still, the man was an honest man, and so he spoke honestly.

“Yeah, well uh…you’re rather pretty yourself.” The man had, in the past, had no problem being truthful. And yet, for reasons unknown these words crawled from his lips with an unexpected reluctance. The man pondered this. If my words are true, then why do I hesitate to speak them? The man could not dwell on this though any longer, because his concentration was immediately shattered.

The woman had made her move.

She threw herself at him with surprising force, pressing her voluptuous lips against his and running her hands sensuously down his back. Reaching one hand down between his legs, she felt for the place familiar to all men, but unexplored by this man. Still, his ignorance did not prevent his erection, nor did it cause him to make her stop. Following her lead, he stripped her of her clothes and laid her down in soft heat of the desert sand. The man’s innocence was forever dead. Regardless, he had never felt more alive.

They spent a long time lying in the desert, only an arm’s length away from the safety of the road. Eventually, the woman fell asleep. The man did not. He looked down at the beautiful creature cradled in his arms and felt a strong emotion welling up within him. For the entirely of his short life, the man had known no pleasure. He had known no happiness. Yet here was something that made him truly happy. A companion. Someone who could make him feel worthwhile, a reminder that his existence was not in vain.

During his long discussions with the old man, the man had learned of a thing called “love.” The old man described it simply as an emotion of potent goodness that made life worth living. Surely, this is what the man felt for this woman. Love. Reminded of the old man, the man wondered if he had sinned by succumbing to this new and frighteningly powerful temptation that had easily overwhelmed him. It did not feel wrong, yet the old man’s words haunted his frail conscience. He turned his attention back to the woman, who was beginning to awake. She slowly opened her eyes, and looked up into his face.

“I love you,” she whispered, smiling. For just a moment, time seemed to stop.

“And I love you,” the man replied sincerely. The man still did not know that he was more sincere then most.

Quickly as it had ceased, time began to pass.

The pair had been walking, hand in hand, for a very long time. They walked. They kept on walking. They paused for a fuck in the hot sand. And then they walked some more. The sun was sinking now, but as slowly as it had risen. It still appeared to be close to its summit in the clear blue sky. Sometimes it seemed as though it had stopped moving altogether. Yet like a growing flower, it did move—it simply moved too slowly for the naked eye to behold.

While they walked, they talked. They discussed their environment. They discussed the road, and they discussed the desert. They discussed how slowly time seemed to pass. But most of all, they talked about each other, and their powerful sense of love. This passed the time just a little more quickly. They kept on walking. They discussed what might lie at the end of the road. They discussed the old man. They kept on walking. They praised each other some more. They kept on walking. They fucked in the sand. They kept on walking. They kept on walking.

They kept on walking.

“It never ends!” the woman exclaimed. Walk as they might, the man and the woman had seemingly come not a whit closer to their destination, whatever it might be. The sun continued to slowly sink.

The man was tempted to agree with her. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, he had been walking for a very long time indeed. The obsidian wall seemed a lifetime away, and yet according to the heavens, not even a day had passed. Something was wrong, but the man had yet to discover what it was. In the meantime, he was determined to overcome his temptation to despair.

“I’m sure it does,” the man replied calmly. “It has to.” Slowing to a halt, the pair looked at each other grimly. “Doesn’t it?” The woman shook her head and began mumbling to herself incoherently. She had done this on occasion before, but the man never got used to it. When he first met her, he had decided she was unstable. Her inane ramblings did little to comfort him. After a brief period of pacing and talking to herself, the woman stopped and sat down.

“Maybe we’re just going in one big fucking circle that never ends,” she theorized. She looked up at him, interested in his opinion.

The man thought on this hastily. One big fucking circle? What a horrid notion—his journey would have been for naught! Just as utter despair was beginning to creep in, a wonderful thought occurred to him. “The wall! The big black wall! If we were going in circles, we would have run into it! We aren’t going in a circle after all, see? Come on now, let’s—“

“Maybe it’s just a really fucking big circle and we haven’t run into it yet,” she interrupted. “You’re a real smart guy, you know that?”

“Thank you,” the man replied. He was unfamiliar with the concept of sarcasm. The woman simply shook her head and stood up.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m not too fond of walking in circles. It’s so boring!”

“What do you suggest then?” the man inquired. He chuckled grimly. “That we head out into the desert?” The absurdity of the thought amused him.

“You think that’s funny? Fuck you! I’ve had enough of you and your fucking road! I was doing just fine on my own in that desert when you found me—“

“But you insisted that you never set foot in the desert! What happened to that, huh?”

The woman was aghast. “Set foot in the desert? I did no such thing!”

She’s clearly insane, the man thought sadly. The woman I love is stark raving mad. Then, a thought occurred to him (these had come more and more regularly since he had departed from the obsidian wall). Perhaps she was…what had the old man called it?

“…when someone intentionally misleads another for some unknown purpose, usually to further his or her own dread ambitions.”.

“That’s horrible!” the man replied. “Why would anyone do such a thing?”

“The world is a dark place, filled with evil. Remember that.”

“But if this is so, then why are we here? Are we evil as well? What is our purpose?”

The old man considered this carefully. “The world is filled with evil, and yet, it is also filled with beauty. It is filled with light. It is filled with love!”

The man was, as usual, confused. “If the world is filled with evil, then is it not already full? Where is there room for light?” At this, the old man nearly doubled over in laughter.

“You’re becoming quite the philosopher, boy! In all seriousness, though, try not to take things so literally. I simply meant that both light and darkness are present in the world. Together, one could say that they fill it, yes.” The man nodded thoughtfully.

“Yes, I think I understand. But let us return to what you were explaining to me before. What was it called again?”

The old man’s face hardened as he prepared himself to explain the hardships of life to his younger counterpart.

“Lying.”

Could the woman be lying? Surely not! What ‘dread ambitions’ could this woman possibly have? As any man could plainly see, she was obviously quite lovely. No, she was not lying. She’s mad, he thought, but it’s not her fault. There is no malevolence in her. The man decided to try and reason with her.

“My love…there is nothing out there in that desert but suffering.”

“Fuck you!” she shrieked as she spun around and began running with all of her might towards the ever darkening desert wasteland. “You could never understand!” she cried as she ran.

The man was taken aback. As her words echoed through his mind and across the sand dunes he could only stand, paralyzed. By the time he had forced himself to move, he had nearly lost sight of her. The desert frightened him more then death itself, but the woman he loved, the one who had no malevolence in her, was about to let it consume her. He had to stop her and bring her back. He had to help her. Ignorant as he was, he was right to believe that no one else would.

The man moved quickly.

Time passed slowly.

The woman moved with surprising celerity. Try as he might, he could not close the gap between them. He chastised himself repeatedly for standing idle as she had charged into the sand, knowing that he could not turn back the time and correct his mistake. He tried to think about what the old man would do. He had said to never set foot in the desert. He had also said that the pursuit of love was the noblest thing in a man’s life. Certainly, he was pursuing love. He was pursuing it right into the heart of the forbidden desert. This contradiction invalidated the old man’s logic, and only served to confuse the younger man further. In the back of his mind, he realized that he had long since lost sight of the road, and he had no idea as to what direction he was running. He was deathly afraid. He forced all of these thoughts and emotions down into the depths of his being and focused his energy on the chase. His lungs were on fire, and his legs had turned to jelly. He forced himself to continue. Without the woman, all was lost.

The desert seemed alive all around him. Forever dying but never dead, it emanated a general sense of sorrow and dread to all that beheld it. The man’s imagination conjured images of nightmares made flesh. Demons, monsters, most frightening of all a palpable sense of evil that the man knew was real because the old man had told him so. Screams haunted his every step, although real or imagined he could not say. The sun was at long last beginning to wane. The piercing light of dusk burned deep into the man’s retina. Combined with hallucinations brought on by fatigue, hunger, and fear, the man thought he caught a glimpse of her several times only to find that he was mistaken. He had to find her. He had to help her. He had to keep on going.

Time was running out.

As the sun continued to sink dangerously low, the man found the woman. Too tired even to think, the man could only feel a subtle sense of relief at having found her at last. Suddenly, his world was torn apart.

She was dead.

No. No, this can’t be happening! He thought. He caressed her soft face, weary with exhaustion and grief. As he gently closed her peaceful eyes forever, he could no longer hold back his tears. He wept bitterly over the dead body of the woman he loved—the woman who had no malice in her.

Or did she?

He thought back on the old man’s words. The world is filled with evil and yet, it is also filled with beauty. It is filled with light. It is filled with love! He had also said that the pursuit of love was the purpose of life. Yet, all it had found him was death. As the eternal sun set, the man knew he had been deceived. The old man was a liar! Damn him, but he was! He had claimed that lust was evil, and yet it was the only peace he had ever known in his desert world. More lies! Tears flowed freely as the man watched everything he had ever known fall to pieces before him. If the old man had lied about love, then surely it did not really exist at all. The woman did not love him. She never did. She too, was a liar, and not free of malice at all. Or perhaps she really was insane. She had said he could never understand her, and she was right. He never did, and now he never would.

What’s left then? The man asked himself. Waiting for the wind to whisper an answer in his ear, it came to him. The road. Of course! In a world of lies and confusion, one thing had remained constant. One thing was true. There was always the road, in all its steadfast glory. He had been confused all his life. He had been deceived. The philosophical troubles of life had no real solution, and yet he had pondered them anyway. To what end? They were amorphous, beyond resolution. Yet, some things were very empirical. His survival was a practical issue. The road was another. Somehow he knew that they both went hand in hand from the very beginning. Damn the old man and his metaphysics! Damn the woman and her insanity! Or was it malice? It didn’t matter anymore. Maybe it never did. He had to find the road, and he had to find it fast.

But how?

After long minutes of pondering, he realized he had his answer. As he started his journey at the foot of the mysterious wall, the sun was behind him. It had continued to rise, albeit slowly, until it was directly above him. Then, as it began to sink, it had fallen in front of him. Facing the woman exactly as he had found her, he quickly scanned the horizon. The sun was to his left, and sinking fast. Grinning wearily, the man kissed the dead woman’s hand in farewell and bolted back in the direction he had come, keeping the falling sun to his right. Surely, he would find the road again. But would he find it in time?

Time began to pass altogether too quickly.

As though traveling back in time, the man relived his pursuit through the barren desert. The difference was that this time was simply trying to save himself, and not someone else. Then again, perhaps he had been doing that all along. He forced this down as an extraneous thought that was irrelevant to his survival, and he kept on moving. As the final rays of the sun began to sink below the horizon and the sky was painted with brilliant hues of color, the man found the road. “Thank God,” he whispered between shallow breaths brought on by his long run. Finally, he collapsed for a short rest on the cool and comforting pavement. As the light continued to fade, the man heard another chilling scream echoing from deep in the desert. Further down the road, he could barely make out the shape of a small boy. Upon hearing the scream, the boy had at first backed up in fear and then inched forward in curiosity, towards the desert.

The man called towards the boy. “Hey, kid! Stay away from the desert. It’s a really bad place, ok?” The boy turned towards him, startled. Glad to see another soul, he ran towards the man.

“Who are you?” he asked. “Are you my father?”

The man thought about this. The old man had told him that life was born from the love of man and woman. Then again, the woman had not loved him, and the old man was a liar to begin with. Even so, he wasn’t sure what to believe anymore.

“I hope not,” he replied. “How long have you been here?”

“I’m not sure. It feels like awhile, but that sun just doesn’t seem to move,” he said as he looked up at the ever-darkening sky. The man was thoroughly confused.

“What sun? The sun just set—“ The boy looked at him as though he were mad.

“Ah hell. Nevermind.”

“Hey, uh, do you know how to get out of here?” the boy inquired. The man thought about this. The old man had tried to impart wisdom to him and instead had filled him with lies. He did not want to do the same to this innocent young boy, so he decided to give him the only true wisdom he had ever known.

“Just keep following this road. You’ll get to where you’re going.”

“Would you like to come with me? I sure could use the company, mister.” The man considered his offer, but it was so dark, and he was so very tired.

“No, that’s quite all right, kid. I think I’m already where I need to be.” The man laid back and closed his eyes. The boy seemed disappointed, but simply shrugged and stood up. Facing west, he began to walk. Time passed slowly for the boy.

For the man, time had ceased to be.

The obsidian wall stretched as far as the eye could see. As his hand traced its glossy surface, he continued to wonder how it had gotten there. The man had been staring into its black for several hours now, unable to tear himself away. It was not so much that the wall held any interest for him; he was simply afraid to turn around. After all, he had no idea what might be there….