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Anxiety top

WHAT IS ANXIETY?
WHERE DOES IT COME FROM?
WHO DOES ANXIETY AFFECT?
HOW DO I DEAL WITH IT?
WHERE CAN I GET MORE INFORMATION?

What is Anxiety? top
Anxiety is a feeling that many people experience when dealing with stressful or threatening situations. Anxiety is often called "stress", but an anxiety disorder is associated with more intense feelings of nervousness, and reactions to this nervousness.
Some anxiety is normal. Anxiety helps us at times to deal with difficult situations because fear and anxiety alert us to danger. These responses are the result of the body and mind telling us that something is wrong.
However, just as these emotions can be helpful, if they become too overwhelming, they can actually keep us from doing the things we need to do in order to help ourselves. In a way, they can become paralyzing unless understood and dealt with in a rational way. There are many different types of anxiety disorders, for example; panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, specific phobias like social phobia and agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Where does it come from? top
There are many times when college students feel anxious. Tests, deadlines, papers, and balancing family, school, and work are all external factors that can affect ones emotions. Most of us have felt butterflies in our stomachs before a big exam. And, most people have a pretty good idea of what causes their own anxiety and can identify these external triggers. But, it is also important to know that each of us has a different chemical make-up, and can be affected by situations in different ways. This internal or genetic influence also plays a big part in whether or not we become anxious in a particular situation.
There is no telling exactly why a person develops anxiety, but there are known biological and psychological causes of anxiety disorders. There can also be times when a situation won't cause anxiety, and other times when the same situation will cause intense anxiety. It can depend on what is going on in a person's life. Additionally, there may also be times when anxiety may creep up for no apparent reason at all.
Severe anxiety is not like typical stress -- it is more intense. In terms of treatment, it usually requires more attention. Individuals who experience prolonged anxiety that interferes with his/her daily functioning (e.g. socializing, working, and relaxing) should talk to a mental health professional.

Who does anxiety affect? top
Anxiety can affect anyone. Some of us are more prone to developing anxiety because of external and internal factors. Role modeling is an example of an external factor that can play a role in whether or not someone will be affected by anxiety.
For example, someone who grew up in a household where challenges and problems were dealt with in a calm and manageable way, with a parent or guardian who exhibited coping skills that helped them through these situations, may be more likely to have learned those behaviors and coping skills themselves. This could better prepare a person to deal with their own stressors as they grow up.
Likewise, a person who received different role modeling, where problems were dealt with in a frantic, unmanageable way, with a parent or guardian who lost control or could not cope, may be more likely not to have learned the necessary coping skills to deal with difficult situations. This may lead to increased anxiety. However, just because an individual developed inadequate coping skills does not determine the amount of anxiety they will feel in life. It just may mean that with inadequate coping skills, this person may be more prone to anxiety.
Chemical make-up or genetics can also play a part in determining the likelihood of developing an anxiety disorder. If a parent has an anxiety disorder, it is more likely that a child will develop anxiety at some point.
Finally, some anxiety is caused by medication, drugs or alcohol. Anxiety that is produced by the effects of the medication, drugs or alcohol can resemble generalized anxiety disorder. For more information on generalized anxiety disorder, see the "Where Can I Get More Information" section below.

How do I deal with it? top
As stated before, anxiety and stress are not one in the same. But stress management techniques can help with overcoming mild anxiety. See stress management self-help page. Anxiety should be taken seriously if it begins to affect your daily routine more severely. If you feel that you cannot manage your day, or your life in general as a result of overwhelming anxiety, you should seek help from a professional.
You can call or stop by University Counseling Services (EN 238) to set up an appointment with a professional counselor. Similarly, there are community and private agencies and practitioners that specialize in the treatment of anxiety disorders. Check your local listings for referrals, or contact University Counseling Services to assist you with a referral if needed.

Where can I get more information? top
For more self-help information you can go to a very informative website called http://www.adaa.org - and click on "About Anxiety Disorders. This website gives more specifics about the different types of anxieties, their symptoms and how they affect an individual.

Coming Out top

SELF-ACCEPTANCE
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER WHEN COMING OUT
WHY COME OUT?
WHO COULD I TALK TO FOR ADVICE OR SUPPORT?

NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY IS OCTOBER 11TH.
The goal is not to tell for the sake of telling, but not to hide.
The more people you can find and be honest with, the better you'll feel.
- Barney Frank, U.S. Congressman

Self acceptance top
Realizing for the first time that you are homosexual can be very frightening. Many times individuals are so scared to admit these feelings that they deny them, even to themselves. Inevitably these feelings will come up again. It can be a difficult time, and a long process to accepting yourself. Once you are able to admit it to yourself and accept yourself, it usually feels like a relief. The inner struggle is over.
The next question after self-acceptance is "who do I share this with?" It can be difficult to be a college student and be struggling with your sexuality because it is definitely very challenging in today's society to be homosexual. There are many decisions that have to be made when disclosing your sexual orientation to family, friends and loved ones.

Questions to consider when coming out top
Coming out is not a one-time event. It is a life-long process. You have to choose whom to come out to, why, when and finally, how.

How close is this person to you? Is it important to you that they know?
Decide how trustworthy and how good a friend this person is before you tell them. As much as it may be important to tell people about your sexual orientation, you need to be aware of possible reactions they might have. The more you know someone the better you will be at anticipating their reaction. Likewise, it's comforting to know that those closest to you and those who are the most important people in your life, are the people you share this information with first.

How might this person react?
Although you can never know for sure how someone will react to your coming out, if you know him or her well, you will probably have a good idea as to how they might respond, then you can decide how you might tell them. For instance, if you think someone might be very shocked initially, but overall, okay with the news, you may want to test the waters here and there, and drop subtle hints so they might begin to think it could be a possibility.
Another suggestion is to start a discussion about someone whom you know to be gay, i.e. a celebrity like Ellen. This would allow you to learn how they feel about homosexuality.
Parents

Parents may react very differently to your coming out than friends or other relatives for many reasons. Just as you want them to understand where you are coming from, it may be helpful if you understand where they are coming from as well. Just as it has been a process for you, it will be a process for them too. They may not be one hundred percent accepting at first, but with time, patience and communication, hopefully, they will come to understand.

Your parents probably come from a time when homosexuality was considered deviant behavior, even a sin. And some people still hold those beliefs today. This all stems from misperceptions of homosexuality. So if your parents react negatively, they are probably shocked and responding based on these past faulty perceptions. Education and awareness may help to dissipate some of the feelings or opinions they may have.
Parents also want to protect their children. Remember when you were younger and your parents became angry with you when you frightened them? For example, when you got lost in a store, or came home late? Most likely they were mad at you because they wanted to teach you not to do things that would put your safety at risk. Coming out to them could initiate the same kind of response. Parents may react with anger because there are afraid of the backlash that you may experience in today's society with hate crimes and discrimination being so prevalent. Again, giving them information about homosexuality could help ease their fears.

Most children's fears come from fear of abandonment. You may be worrying that your parents will reject you or throw you out of the house. Most times, however, this doesn't happen. It is very difficult for a parent to stop loving their child and completely reject them. And although these extreme cases do occur, in time parents can come to a better place of acceptance.

Why come out? top
There are many different reasons why people decide to come out to others. One of the main reasons is that it is very difficult to live a dual lifestyle and have those closest to you not know who you really are. Some just can't stand to live with the secret anymore and it becomes imperative to share this information with people who are close to them.
Some people come out by simply answering "yes" if/when someone asks if they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Others decide whom it is that they want to share this information with and tell them privately. There are some things to consider when deciding whether or not to tell someone. The most important thing to remember is to give yourself time to process all the emotions that go along with coming out -- It is not an easy decision and it's okay to take your time, to be nervous, or to be apprehensive.
Almost everyone I know has had a better experience coming out than they thought they would.
- Barney Frank, U.S. Congressman

Who could I talk to for advice and support? top
1. You might want to consider talking to a friend or relative who already does know, and get some feedback from them. If they are not gay themselves, they might be able to tell you how to approach someone, and get feedback from them as to what someone who is not gay might be thinking when they hear the news.
2. Talking with a counselor is also a good idea if you are struggling with who to tell or how to tell them. Many times, it's your own issues that get in the way when making a decision to tell someone you are gay.
3. There are also community centers like the (New Haven Gay and Lesbian Community Center: www.i-out.com -nhglcc). These organizations are open to individuals who need support or a place to turn. They would have people there who you could talk to for information on coming out.
4. There are gay friendly churches or synagogues where you could find a pastor or rabbi to talk to about coming out.
5. You can also contact a hotline that could answer questions you have about coming out, or homosexuality in general. One such number is the Gay and Lesbian National Hotline: 1-888-THE-GLNH

Recommended Readings
Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk About Their Experiences. Griffen, Carolyn Welch and Marian J. Wirth and Arthur G. Wirth. St. Martin's Press.
Coming Out: An Act of Love. Eichberg, Robert, Plume.
Now That I'm Out, What Do I Do? Thoughts on Living Deliberately. Ncnaught, Brian. St. Martin's Press.
Passages of Pride: Lesbian and Gay Youth Come of Age. Chandler, Kurt. Alyson Press.

Coping With Trauma top

ABOUT TRAUMA
SYMPTOMS OF TRAUMA
DEALING WITH A TRAUMATIC EVENT

ABOUT TRAUMA top
Many people experience trauma at some point in their lives. It can be caused by being the victim of, or witness to, a serious accident, death of a loved one, imminent danger, assault, rape, and many other events.
Being a victim can be very traumatizing. It can have a very powerful effect on you both emotionally and physically. (See symptoms below)
Coping with stress after trauma is not automatic. It takes time - but remember: shock is sudden and often intense. You can benefit from talking to others who also experienced the trauma. If you have had a strong reaction to a traumatic event, you may still have other reactions as time goes on and that is normal!!

SYMPTOMS OF TRAUMA top
You may experience few or many of the following symptoms in varying degrees of severity:

DEALING WITH A TRAUMATIC EVENT top
Experiencing a traumatic event can be very overwhelming. Talking with others who have been through it with you or through a similar situation can help. Sometimes, you feel the need to tell your story again and again - that's okay. It is important to find someone to talk to who is understanding and a good listener. Whether it's a friend, family member or counselor, telling your story is important!
Some people feel better when they do nice things for themselves. That's a good idea. Also, try and keep a regular schedule. It may help you focus on positives and not on the trauma. Although, if it is still upsetting you, do not just push it out of your mind. Talk to someone about these feelings. It can be very useful if you remember to take time to deal with the trauma, allowing yourself to heal as well as keeping a regular schedule so you can focus on the future and moving forward.
See stress management link on how to help yourself feel better when dealing with symptoms of trauma. If symptoms last, or you are feeling overwhelmed, you can contact Counseling Services for assistance.

Depression top

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION
THINGS TO CONSIDER
DON'T ONLY REALLY ILL PEOPLE GET DEPRESSED?
WHO CAN HELP?

Depression is an illness that affects millions of people. Everyone feels upset or sad at one time or another, but depression is a prolonged feeling of emptiness that affects many facets of your life.

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION top
If you feel sad most of the time for at least a two-week period you may have clinical depression.
1. Loss of pleasure or interest in the things you normally like (including hobbies like sports, music, and being with friends) or if you feel like nothing good will ever happen to you again.
2. Change in sleep habits, especially not getting enough sleep.
3. Feelings of sadness, where you cry a lot for little or no reason, and/or irritability where you lose your patience or your temper easily.
4. Difficulty concentrating or making up your mind.
5. Medically unexplainable aches and pains.
6. Nervousness, restlessness or less commonly, slowed movement.
7. Fatigue or decreased energy or feeling numb, like you have no feelings.
8. Feelings of guilt or worthlessness for no reason, like you are no good, or you've lost your confidence.
9. Changes in appetite and/or weight (either loss or gain).
10. Thoughts of death or suicide.
IF YOU EXPERIENCE FIVE OR MORE OF THESE SYMPTOMS OR HAVE PERSISTENT THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE YOU NEED TO BE EVALUATED BY A PROFESSIONAL.

THINGS TO CONSIDER top
Do these symptoms keep you from your regular routine or schedule? Are these changes you are experiencing causing distress in your everyday life?
For example: Declining grades, problems with friendships or family, or an increase in risky behavior with the use of drugs, alcohol or unsafe sex.
You can contact University Counseling Services for assistance. 392-5475 Engleman Hall Room 238

DON'T ONLY REALLY ILL PEOPLE GET DEPRESSED? top
If you have depression, it does not mean that you are weak, or a failure or that you have given up. It means that you need help. Treatment is available. Through counseling or medication, most people do feel relief from the symptoms that are a result of the depression. People do get better. Even if you feel like nothing will change -- it can, you just have to give it a chance.

WHO CAN HELP? top
The following is a list of people who can help you decide whether or not to get help. Talking about your feelings is a great way to relieve the pressure that can build up from feeling sad or alone. No one should have to carry this weight around all by themselves.
Remember that you are not alone -- there are people who can help you.
A trusted friend
A family member
An R.A. or Hall Director
A clergy member
A faculty member you feel you can trust
The Women's Center or Men's Corner
The Wellness Center
A counselor
Reminder:
If you speak with someone and decide that you would like to get help, you can come to University Counseling Services for assistance
EN B 219 392-5475

Eating Disorders top

THERE ARE THREE MAJOR KINDS OF EATING DISORDERS
WHAT CAN FAMILY AND FRIENDS DO?
WHAT IS NORMAL EATING?
*Note: If after reading this information you think you or someone you know may have an eating disorder, call University Counseling Services for assistance.

THERE ARE THREE MAJOR KINDS OF EATING DISORDERS top
Anorexia Nervosa:
People with Anorexia Nervosa have a distorted body image. They believe that they are overweight and see themselves as "fat" even thought they might be seriously underweight. These individuals restrict their food intake, often limiting themselves to little or no food. Many times, excessive exercise habits are formed, contributing to the loss in body mass. There are many unhealthy habits that are associated with this disorder, and they include: obsessive thoughts about food, weight and exercise, hiding from others when eating and lack of intimacy.
Physical, behavioral and emotional signs and symptoms of Anorexia Nervosa:

Loss of 15% or more of body weight
Amenorrhea (loss of the menstrual period in females)
Disturbed body image; denial of thinness even as weight loss progresses
Hyperactivity - excessive exercise
Growth of body hair
Loss of hair on scalp
Nervousness around mealtime
Cutting food into small pieces or playing with food
Increased interest in collecting recipes and cooking/baking for others
Weighing frequently
Increased isolation from family and friends
Tendency to be highly self-critical
Episodes of binge-eating and purging may alternate with self-starvation
Feelings of depression

Bulimia Nervosa:
Sometimes referred to as Bingeing and purging, these individuals eat large quantities of food and then vomit to rid their bodies of the food they just ate. Bulimics use laxatives, diuretics, exercise, and/or vomiting to eliminate calories and food from their bodies. They usually feel great shame and embarrassment because of these habits, but these feelings are over-ridden by the sense of relief they feel when they rid their bodies of calories through these methods. It provides a way for them to release the negative emotions they are feeling.
Physical, behavioral and emotional signs and symptoms of Bulimia Nervosa are:

Eating high calorie food, often secretly, during a binge
Purging by means of self-induced vomiting, use of laxatives or diuretics.
Excessive exercise
Excessive fasting
Preoccupation with food, weight and bodily concerns
Frequent weight fluctuations due to alternating binges and fasts
Feeling unable to control eating behavior
Feelings of depression and self-criticism

Binge Eating Disorder:
This disorder is characterized by excessive food intake, often in a specific time period where the individual feels out-of-control to stop. The difference between binge eating disorders and bulimia eating disorder is that binge eaters do not purge after eating these excessive amounts of food and calories. Binge eaters use food as a comfort to ease empty and negative emotions. The food is used as a way to "fill" them emotionally.
Behavioral, emotional and physical signs and symptoms of binge eating disorder are:

Episodes of binge-eating
Eating when not physically hungry
Frequent dieting, going from one rigid diet to the next
Restricted activities due to embarrassment about weight
Preoccupation with weight, eating and dieting
Self-worth based on weight and control of eating
Awareness that eating patterns are abnormal
Feeling unable to stop eating voluntarily
Depressed mood
Social and professional successes and failures attributed to weight
Weight fluctuations
Mobility problems
Diabetes
Heart ailments

WHAT CAN FAMILY AND FRIENDS DO? top
There are certain things you can do as a friend or relative of someone you suspect might have an eating disorder:

Tell the person you are concerned, that you care and would like to help. You can suggest that they talk to a mental health professional or their physician.

Do not discuss weight, calorie intake, how much or little they eat or exercise, or particular eating habits. But do try and talk about things other than food, like feelings or emotions they may be experiencing.

Avoid making comments about their appearance. These comments about excessive weight loss can be interpreted as a compliment, and those comments about weight gain can be taken as criticism. And either can actually exacerbate the problem.

Do not get into a power struggle with this individual -- it is not worth it -- and you won't win. You cannot force a person to eat or stop eating.

You can offer your support. Ultimately, it is up to the individual to decide whether they want to change or get help.

WHAT IS NORMAL EATING? top
Normal eating is going to the table hungry and eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it -- not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad, or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is three meals a day, or four or five, or it can be choosing to munch along the way. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful. Normal eating is overeating at times; feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. And it can be under-eating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.
In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your proximity to food, and your feelings.
(c) Copyright 1999 Ellyn Satter from Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family, Kelcy Press, Madison, WI, 1999 page 5. For purchase information, see or call (877)844-0857
Recommended Reading:
1. Your Dieting Daughter, Is She Dying For Attention? By Carolyn Costin, M.A., M.Ed., M.F.C.C. (c) 1997
2. Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters and Hunger. Margo Maine, Ph.D. (c) 1991
3. Bulimia: A Guide for Friends and Family. Roberta Trattner Sherman, Ph.D. and Ron A. Thompson, Ph.D. (c) 1990
4. Body Betrayed. A Deeper Understanding of Women, Eating Disorders and Treatment. Kathryn J. Zerbe, M.D. (c) 1993
5. Making Peace with Food. Freeing Yourself from the Diet-Weight Obsession. Susan Kano. (c) 1989
6. Hunger Pain. The Modern Woman's Tragic Quest for Thinness. Mary Pipher, Ph.D. (c) 1995

Making Friends top

COLLEGE LIFE AND NEW FRIENDS
REMEMBER
STEPS IN FRIENDSHIP MAKING
WHAT DO I SAY/DO?
WHERE SHOULD I GO? (CAMPUS RESOURCES)
HOW CAN I BE A GOOD FRIEND?

COLLEGE LIFE AND NEW FRIENDS top
College is a time of excitement, challenge and growth - SOCIALLY as well as academically.
But being in a new environment for the first time may not be an easy transition for everyone. At first, it may be difficult to feel comfortable with your new peers. For students who live on campus, you are put in a situation where it may seem a little easier to connect with others by the simple fact that you are living day in and day out with them, but this can also be overwhelming. For commuter students, the challenge may be meeting people and staying connected. In either case, some students may find it difficult to make new friends.
Loneliness is a feeling that many encounter as they begin the transition to college. Fear is another feeling that students may experience. Both of these emotions can actually keep you from getting out there and meeting people. It is important to know that these feelings are normal for many college students -- so if you feel them you may have to push yourself a little harder to do things.
There are lots of things to do on a college campus. But even if you don't do something with someone else, you can always do something by yourself. Who knows you may meet someone that way! Enjoying a hobby or activity by yourself can be very uplifting and help you to feel better.

REMEMBER top
Remember that college is your time to learn and experience new things. You can make the most of it. You just may need a little assistance to get started. The following are steps to consider when making friends. There are also some guidelines to follow that you may find helpful. IF YOU DO NOT FEEL YOURSELF, OR IF YOU FEEL VERY SAD OR DEPRESSED, THERE MAY BE OTHER FACTORS INVOLVED THAT NEED TO BE ADDRESSED BY A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. THEREFORE, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT YOU CALL UNIVERSITY COUNSELING SERVICES IF YOU FEEL ANY OF THESE EMOTIONS ARE OVERWHELMING TO THE POINT WHERE YOU CAN NOT MANAGE THEM.

STEPS IN FRIENDSHIP MAKING top
Meeting people can be looked at as a series of tasks. There are certain things you can do to be successful at it. But it should not be looked at as a chore! It is fun and exciting to meet new people.

The first step is to be positive. The more positive the energy you put out, the more likely you are to receive positive energy in return. How can you put out positive energy? See step two.

Step Two. RELAX and BE YOURSELF! Trying to be different to please others compromises your individuality and your integrity. Be proud of who you are. We all have faults and things we may not like about ourselves. We don't judge others nearly as harshly as we judge ourselves. So go easy on yourself. People will like you for you, taking the good with the not so good. No one is perfect, so don't try to be!
And the more you are yourself, the more relaxed you will be, because you won't be focusing on what you think you should be doing. The more relaxed you are, the easier it is to get along with and interact with others.

Step Three. Figure out who and what type of people you want to hang out with. People generally connect with those who are most similar to themselves. If you are athletic and like to either participate in or watch sports and you know of someone with similar interests, you may want to ask them to attend some games here at Southern with you. Sharing similarities with people can be fun. And, it usually allows you the opportunity to get to know someone a little better.
So, try to think about who you are as a person, and what kind of friend you would like. The better you know yourself, the better you will be able to identify what you will like in other people.

Step Four. Put yourself out there. Get involved in activities and events that you enjoy. Chances are you'll meet people there who enjoy similar activities. You have to go where people are in order to meet people! Don't sit around waiting for them to come to you. Join a club or organization. Attend lectures and programs that seem interesting. Go to university functions, like sporting events and socials. Join a study group or go to the library. The more chances you have to meet people, the better the odds will be that you will!

Step Five. Stay connected. After you have met some people that you like and feel comfortable with, stay in contact with them. You can call or visit on a regular basis. You may have a regular meeting time based on a class or organization you are a part of with them. During that time, you can make arrangements to do things with them, or to call each other. Pick up on their cues. If they call you back right away, or if they wait a week to get back to you, it may tell you what level of friendship they are looking for from you. Here are some more guidelines you may want to follow in trying to meet new people. Remember to have fun and enjoy yourself. Many times, the friends you make in college last a lifetime!

WHAT DO I SAY/DO? top
Sometimes it's hard to think of things to say. But generally, if you are in a particular setting you can talk about things specific to that setting. For example, in class, you can talk about a particular assignment, "Where did you find information on our homework topic?" In the residence halls, you can talk about classes, about living arrangements. You can watch movies or TV together and talk about that, too.
Also, ask open-ended questions, as opposed to closed-ended questions. An open-ended question is one where the person is asked a question that can't simply be answered by "yes" or "no". A closed-ended question is one that can be answered with "yes" or "no". Examples: Closed-ended: "Did you go to the football game?" Open-ended: "What did you think of the football game?"
It's important not to force yourself to say something. Sometimes it's okay to be with people and not say anything. Additionally, forcing yourself to do something that you normally would not do or you think is unsafe in any way, is not a good idea. Everyone has values, opinions, and morals that they live by. You have a right to yours. And people will respect you for sticking to them (not to mention that you will respect yourself more!).

WHERE SHOULD I GO? (CAMPUS RESOURCES) top
There are many places on campus to go and meet people. It may seem more difficult as a commuter student, but there are lots of things going on all over campus -- all the time! Read posters, and flyers that are posted. They are there for one reason -- YOU! Various organizations, departments and individuals plan activities for students to take advantage of. Most of the time they are free or at a reduced student fee, so all you have to do is show up!
Some ideas for you to get started are:
1. Check flyers and postings for upcoming events.
2. Read the campus newspaper for programs and future happenings as well.
3. Talk to classmates and floor mates or an RA to find out what is going on that you might be interested in.
4. Visit the University Student Center -- there are always events and programs going on or being advertised there.
5. Join a club or organization of interest to you - contact the Dean of Students or residence life for a list of campus groups.
6. Listen to others talk -- no, not eavesdropping! When you are in conversation listen to what others have to say about what's going on around campus.

HOW CAN I BE A GOOD FRIEND? top
Very simply -- by treating others the way you would like or expect to be treated. Be kind, polite and respectful of others. And if they are not the same in return, you may want to consider how true a friend this person really is.

Self Esteem top

SELF-ESTEEM AND COLLEGE
SO, WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED SELF-ESTEEM?
HOW DOES LOW SELF-ESTEEM AFFECT ME?
HOW CAN I FEEL BETTER AND RAISE MY SELF-ESTEEM?

SELF-ESTEEM AND COLLEGE top
College is the time when most students are developing their sense of identity, "who they are." For many, it is the first time away from home, and some students are the first member of the family to ever attend college. Students are finding things out about themselves and figuring out what college life is all about.
For the first time, students decide whether or not to go to class - with no "principle" to call their parents. They decide whether or not to do their assignments. They decide how much to work, socialize, party, and study, if at all. Prioritizing and responsibility are brought to a new level as students are in charge of their new world. It can be very overwhelming. In addition to all of this, students are trying to make friends and be "accepted" by peers. This is the time when self-esteem is very much needed.
Being on your own for the first time can be scary, but if you have the tools to face the world, you'll probably be a lot more successful in it!

SO, WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED SELF-ESTEEM? top
Self-esteem is important to everyone. We all need positive self-esteem to feel good about ourselves. Positive (High) self-esteem is feeling good about who we are; liking ourselves regardless of successes or failures. Positive self-esteem means that we don't judge ourselves based on what others think or say, or how much we can accomplish.
High self-esteem is being comfortable in your own skin. Knowing that you are a good person, and feeling good about it!

HOW DOES LOW SELF-ESTEEM AFFECT ME? top
Low self-esteem can have intense emotional effects on an individual. When you feel badly about yourself, and who you are, you tend to have little confidence or control over your life. You may be easily swayed by others. Many times, others can sense someone with low self-esteem and take advantage of him or her by coercing them into doing things they wouldn't normally do.
Low self-esteem can affect your relationships with significant others as well. If you do not like yourself, it is difficult to truly like others and share yourself with another person. The negativity that low self-esteem brings can damage a relationship because it is also very difficult to accept love and affection from other people if you do not love yourself first.
Your work and school success can also be affected. With low self-esteem, you may lack the motivation and confidence to succeed in school and at work. If you are not feeling good about yourself, you may hold yourself back from finishing projects and even self-sabotage so that you purposely do not succeed. Because many times, when you feel badly about yourself, you tend to feel as if you don't deserve to have anything positive happen in your life.
Some students who feel this way cover it up by drinking and using drugs and being the life of the party. Others are angry and isolated and can take their mood out on others around them. The real truth is that these individuals are most likely very sad inside and need support and encouragement to change these destructive ways.

HOW CAN I FEEL BETTER AND RAISE MY SELF-ESTEEM? top
First, you have to recognize that you have low self-esteem and want to feel better about yourself. Linda Tschirhart Sanford and Mary Ellen Donovan, authors of Women and Self-Esteem, describe the impact of self-esteem in the following way:
"Our level of self-esteem affects virtually everything we think, say and do. It affects how we see the world and our place in it. If affects how others in the world see and treat us. It affects the choices we make - choices about what we will do with our lives and with whom we will be involved. It affects our ability to both give and receive love. And, it affects our ability to take action to change things that need to be changed."
The effects of self-esteem are far-reaching. But we need to take little steps in attaining a positive self-worth. The following are a list of things you can do everyday to improve your self-esteem.
*NOTE: If you feel overwhelmed, sad and/or depressed and are unable to help yourself, we encourage you to call Counseling Services at 392-5475 to set up an appointment to talk with a professional counselor. He or she will most likely be able to help you understand your emotions and build your self-esteem.*

1. Accept yourself. Know that you are a good person despite any flaws or imperfections you may have. Think about this: Do you judge your friends flaws as harshly as you do your own? Probably not. So go easy on yourself.

2. Take control. Make your own decisions - and change the things that need to be changed. You have the right to be in control of your destiny. Take pride in that and do something about it. You will gain a sense of power and confidence to continue doing so. It's a domino effect! Try it!!!

3. Think positive. Negative self-talk can have devastating effects on your self-esteem. Your thoughts affect your emotions, and your emotions affect your behavior. So, if you tell yourself everyday that you are never going to pass Biology 100 - then chances are you won't! It's like having someone stand over your shoulder every day telling you that you are going to fail. After a while you start listening to that voice and believing it! So first, catch yourself talking negatively (it may be out loud or in your head), then take that negative statement and make it a positive one. And, don't let yourself rethink the negative thoughts anymore. It really helps. For example, if you tell yourself everyday that you will pass Biology, then you will start to feel that you can, and you will probably start acting more positively, like studying more, etc.

4. Be good to yourself. Let yourself enjoy life. Relax, take a walk, do the things you like. It may seem difficult amid exams, work and the hectic pace of college life. But we all deserve and need to do enjoyable activities. Even if it's only 15 minutes a day to meditate or exercise, that's time you're spent treating yourself positively. Find the time to do one nice thing for yourself, or someone else if it makes you feel good, every day.

5. Get involved. Try things that you have always wanted to try. You can meet new people and develop new friendships. You will also learn new skills that will help you feel better about yourself. Even if you turn out not to be good at this new hobby, at least you had the guts to try it!!!

6. Become self-reliant. Don't depend on other people to make you feel good about yourself. Compliment yourself. That way, you won't sit around waiting for someone else to boost your esteem - you can do it yourself. Then in the event of criticism or rejection, think about who you are, not just what you have accomplished.

7. Set goals. Set sights for your future. It is important to have things to look forward to. Whether it's as simple as, "I will get enough rest each night"; or as complex as, "I will get some career counseling to find a major and focus on my future." When you decide what you want to do and when you want to do it, you build strength by learning more about yourself and by doing good things for yourself. You deserve it!!
References: Donovan, Mary Ellen and Tschirhart Sanford, Linda. (1984) Women and Self-Esteem. Viking Penguin Inc.: New York

Stress Management top

YOU NEED STRESS IN YOUR LIFE!
REACTING TO STRESS
HELPING YOURSELF
THE ART OF RELAXATION
STRESSFUL TIMES FOR STUDENTS - FROM NASPA JOURNAL

Handling Stress - Written by Louis E. Kopolow, M.D., Assistant
Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at George Washington University School of Medicine.
8915 Shady Grove Ct,
Gaithersburg, MD 20877
Phone: (301) 963-0060

YOU NEED STRESS IN YOUR LIFE! top
Does that surprise you? Perhaps so, but it is quite true. Without stress, life would be dull and unexciting. Stress adds flavor, challenge, and opportunity to life. Too much stress, however, can seriously affect your physical and mental well-being. A major challenge in this stress-filled world of today is to make the stress in your life work for you instead of against you.
Stress is with us all the time. It comes from mental or emotional activity and physical activity. It is unique and personal to each of us. So personal, in fact, that what may be relaxing to one person may be stressful to another....
Too much emotional stress can cause physical illness such as high blood pressure, ulcers, or even heart disease; physical stress from work or exercise is not likely to cause such ailments. The truth is that physical exercise can help you to relax and to handle your mental or emotional stress...

REACTING TO STRESS top
To use stress in a positive way and prevent it from becoming distress, you should become aware of your own reactions to stressful events....While it is impossible to live completely free of stress and distress, it is possible to prevent some distress as well as to minimize its impact when it can't be avoided...

HELPING YOURSELF top
When stress does occur, it is important to recognize and deal with it. Here are some suggestions for ways to handle stress. As you begin to understand more about how stress affects you as an individual, you will come up with your own ideas of helping to ease the tensions.

Try physical activity. When you are nervous, angry, or upset, release the pressure through exercise or physical activity. Running, walking, playing tennis, or working in your garden are just some of the activities you might try. Physical exercise will relieve that "up tight" feeling, relax you, and turn the frowns into smiles. Remember, your body and mind work together.

Share your stress. It helps to talk to someone about your concerns and worries. Perhaps a friend, family member, or teacher...can help you see your problem in a different light. If you feel your problem is serious, you might seek professional help from a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker or mental health counselor. Knowing when to ask for help may avoid more serious problems later.

Know your limits. If a problem is beyond your control and cannot be changed at the moment, don't fight the situation. Learn to accept what is - for now - until such time when you can change it.

Take care of yourself. You are special. Get enough rest and eat well. If you are irritable and tense from lack of sleep or if you are not eating correctly, you will have less ability to deal with stressful situations. If stress repeatedly keeps you from sleeping, you should ask your doctor for help.

Make time for fun. Schedule time for both work and recreation. Play can be just as important to your well-being as work; you need a break from your daily routine to just relax and have fun.

Be a participant. One way to keep from getting bored, sad, and lonely is to go where it's all happening. Sitting alone can make you feel frustrated...Offer your services in neighborhood or volunteer organizations. Help yourself by helping other people. Get involved in the world and the people around you, and you'll find they will be attracted to you. You will be on your way to making new friends and enjoying new activities.

Check off your tasks. Trying to take care of everything at once can seem overwhelming, and as a result, you may not accomplish anything. Instead, make a list of what tasks you have to do, then do one at a time, checking them off as they're completed. Give priority to the most important ones and do those first.

Must you always be right? Do other people upset you - particularly when they don't do things your way? Try cooperation instead of confrontation; it's better than fighting and always being "right" A little give and take on both sides will reduce the strain and make you both feel more comfortable.

It's OK to cry. A good cry can be a healthy way to bring relief to your anxiety, and it might even prevent a headache or other physical consequences. Take some deep breaths; they also release tension.

Create a quiet scene. You can't always run away, but you can "dream the impossible dream." A quiet country scene painted mentally, or on canvas, can take you out of the turmoil of a stressful situation. Change the scene by reading a good book or playing music to create a sense of peace and tranquility.

Avoid self-medication. Although you can use prescription or over-the-counter medications to relieve stress temporarily, they do not remove the conditions that caused the stress in the first place. Medications, in fact, may be habit-forming and also may reduce your efficiency, thus creating more stress than they take away. They should be taken only on the advice of your doctor.

THE ART OF RELAXATION top
The best strategy for avoiding stress is to learn how to relax. Unfortunately, many people try to relax at the same pace that they lead the rest of their lives. For a while, tune out your worries about time, productivity, and "doing right". You will find satisfaction in just being, without striving. Find activities that are good for your mental and physical well-being. Forget about always winning. Focus on relaxation, enjoyment, and health. If the stress in your life seems insurmountable, you may find it beneficial to see a mental health counselor.
Be good to yourself.
Dr. Louis Kopolow, M.D. (Extrapolated from the National Institute of Mental Health Office of Scientific Information: Plain Talk Series) (DHHS Publication No. (ADM) 91-502 Printed 1977, Revised 1983 Reprinted 1985, 1987, 1991)

STRESSFUL TIMES FOR STUDENTS - FROM NASPA JOURNAL top

September
Homesickness; especially for first year students
Values crises. Students are confronted with questions of conscience over value conflict in areas of race, drug and alcohol experimentation, morality, religion, and social expectations.

Feelings of inadequacy and inferiority develop because of the discrepancy between high school status and grades and initial college performance.

"In Loco Parentis" blues. Students feel depressed because of real or perceived restrictive sense of confusion, vulnerability, and lack of any advocate in power positions.

October
New or returning students begin to realize that life at college is not as perfect as they were led to believe by parents, teacher, and admissions staff.

Grief develops because of inadequate skills for finding a group or not being selected by one.

Mid-term work-load pressures are followed by feelings of failure and loss of self-esteem.

Pregnancies from summer relationships begin to show. Dilemma of what to do.

Non-dating students sense a loss of esteem because so much value is placed upon dates.

Job panic for mid-year graduates.

November
Academic pressure is beginning to mount because of procrastination, difficulty of work, and lack of ability.

Depression and anxiety increase because of feelings that one should have adjusted to the college environment by now.

Homecoming blues develop because of no date and/or lack of ability to participate in activities.

Economic anxiety. Funds from parents and summer earnings begin to run out; loans come due.

Some students have ceased to make attempts at establishing new friendships beyond two or three parasitic relationships.

December
Extracurricular time strain; seasonal parties, concerts, social service projects, religious activities drain students.

Anxiety, fear, and guilt increase as final examinations approach and papers are due.

Pre-Christmas depression; especially for those who have concerns for family, those who have no home to visit, and for those who prefer not to go home because of family conflicts.

Financial strain because of Christmas gifts and travel costs.

Pressure increases to perform sexually because of the approach of vacation and separation.

January
Post-Christmas depression at again being away from home security.

February
Many students experience optimism because second semester is perceived as going "down hill."

Vocational choice causes anxiety and depression.

Couples begin to establish stronger ties or experience weakening of established ones.

Depression increases for those students who have failed to establish social relationships or achieve a moderate amount of recognition.

Social calendar is non-active.

March
Drug and alcohol use increases.

Pregnancies from Christmas vacation begin to show.

Depression begins due to anticipation of separation from friends and loved ones at college.

Academic pressures increase.

Existential crisis for seniors. Must I leave school? Is my education worth anything? Was my major a mistake? Why go on? Where is God? Why am I not making it?

April
Academic pressures continue to increase because of mid-terms.

Frustration and confusion develop because of decisions necessary for pre-registration.

Summer job pressures.
Selection of major.
Papers and exams are piling up.
The mounting academic pressures force some students to temporarily give up.
Social pressures. Everybody is bidding for your participation at trips, banquets and picnics.
Job recruitment panic.

May
Anxiety develops because of the realization that the year is ending.

Senior panic about jobs (lack of them).
Depression over leaving friends and facing conflicts at home.
Finals pressure and anxiety.

Suicide top

ARE YOU SUICIDAL?...READ THIS FIRST
RISK FACTORS
SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION
WARNING SIGNS
HOW TO HELP SOMEONE WHO IS FEELING SUICIDAL
RESOURCES

ARE YOU SUICIDAL?...READ THIS FIRST top

Have you or you know been thinking about suicide? If so, please take the time to read this page. It only takes a few minutes and it may help you to consider options other than suicide that you might not have considered before. If you are the friend of someone contemplating suicide, this may give you the words you need to help save a friends life.

If you are thinking about suicide read this first.....http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Suicide is the 8th leading cause of death in the United States. Each year approximately 30,000 people commit suicide. For college students it is the 2nd leading cause of death and the third leading cause of death among 15-24 year olds.

When you consider the fact that suicide is a preventable death in that it's a choice someone makes, doesn't it make sense to consider all of your options before making a decision that you can't take back? Many times, ordinary problems that seem insurmountable are the reasons people commit suicide. It may seem at the time of the distress that there are no other options when, in fact, there are other possibilities to consider. Below is some important information regarding suicide.

As you read this information you may see similarities in your situation and begin to see that you are not alone and can get help.
RISK FACTORS top

• Untreated or acute depression or other mental illness
• Situational Crises (e.g. breakup with significant other, being dismissed, death of a loved one, etc)
• Alcohol and other drug use (risk taking behaviors and overdose)
• Firearms (possessing or having access to guns)
• Acute and/or untreated depression or other mental illness
• Previous attempts
• Any combination of the above

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION top
Most suicidal people are depressed. Millions of Americans are affected by depression each year. It is the most common mental illness and more importantly it is highly treatable. Therefore, if one can detect and treat their depression before suicide is considered, many lives can be saved.

• The symptoms of depression are:
• Depressed or sad mood most of the day, nearly every day.
• Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities.
• Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain or increase/decrease in appetite.
• Difficulty sleeping or excessive sleeping.
• Physical fatigue.
• Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt.
• Diminished ability to think or concentrate (indecisiveness).
• Thoughts of suicide or death.

If you experience five or more of these symptoms for at least a two week period you may have major depression. Contact Counseling Services at 392-5475 if you wish to speak with a counselor.

WARNING SIGNS top
A large majority of people who attempt suicide give warning signs prior to the attempt. These warning signs include behavioral and situational clues, as well as, direct or indirect verbal communications:

Behavioral Clues:

Any previous suicide attempt
Acquiring a gun or stockpiling pills
Co-occurring depression, moodiness, hopelessness
Putting personal affairs in order
Giving away prized possessions
Sudden interest or disinterest in religion
Drug or alcohol abuse, or relapse after a period of recovery
Unexplained anger, aggression and irritability

Situational Clues:

Being fired or being expelled / dismissed from school
A recent unwanted move
Loss of any major relationship
Death of a spouse, child, or best friend, especially if by suicide
Diagnosis of a serious or terminal illness
Sudden unexpected loss of freedom/fear of punishment
Anticipated loss of financial security
Loss of a cherished therapist, counselor or teacher
Fear of becoming a burden to others

Direct Verbal Clues:

"I've decided to kill myself."
"I wish I were dead."
"I'm going to commit suicide."
"I'm going to end it all."
"If (such and such) doesn't happen, I'll kill
myself."

Indirect or Coded Verbal Clues:

"I'm tired of life, I just can't go on."
"My family would be better off without me."
"Who cares if I'm dead anyway."
"I just want out."
"I won't be around much longer."
"Pretty soon you won't have to worry about
me."

HOW TO HELP SOMEONE WHO IS FEELING SUICIDAL top
When a friend or loved one is feeling suicidal, it can be a very scary experience. There is no exact recipe to prevent a suicide, but the following steps are recommended to decrease the risk of suicidal behavior:
Remember, be yourself, and get support for yourself if you are feeling overwhelmed at any point.

1. Awareness: Know the warning signs: depression, increased drug or alcohol use, sudden calm mood, and talk of suicide, (see warning signs above for more details).
2. Be calm and accepting.
3. Pay attention and be non judgmental. Let them know you take them seriously. feelings very seriously. A suicide attempt is never just a ploy for attention. It is a cry for help.
4. Listen attentively and encourage them to share what they are feeling. Allowing them to vent will lessen some of the pressure they feel inside. Ask if they have a plan and a means to carry out a suicide. Those who have a definite plan are in the most immediate danger.
5. Don't leave them alone. If you must leave, contact someone you trust to take over.
6. Do not be afraid to ask if they are thinking of suicide. You are not giving them ideas that they haven't already had.
7. Avoid the urge to problem-solve or offer judgment on how bad things really are. How serious the problem is is less important than how serious it feels to them.
8. Keep them talking. As they tire, they will lose momentum and be less likely to act on their feelings.
9. Offer them a reason to go on in whatever form they will accept. Love of their children, hope that they can get well, even fear of a failed suicide attempt: all can help them hang on a bit longer until they get the treatment they need.
10. Encourage them to seek professional help as soon as possible. Let them know that depression is an illness and that it is very treatable. Help them make arrangements and take them to their appointment if necessary.
11. If you feel they are in immediate danger, don't hesitate to contact 911 or other emergency number in your area. It is not a betrayal of friendship to get your loved one help. They may feel angry at the time, but this will pass.
12. Places you can take a suicidal person for help: a crisis center, ER, mental health center, or their own psychiatrist or family doctor.

Compiled from various sites about how to help someone contemplating suicide.

RESOURCES top

1(800) SUICIDE or 1(800) 273- talk : 24 hour 7 days/week hotlines staffed by trained personnel to help when persons feel suicidal.

suicidology.org - check out their bookstore for reviewed, quality books for all different aspects of suicide, from treatment and prediction to surviving a suicide and mental health issues.

afsp.org - this is a great website to learn about the aspects of suicide, resources, links and support.

Jed foundation - jedfoundation.org is a nonprofit public charity committed to reducing the youth suicide rate and improving the mental health safety net provided to college students nationwide.

Ulifeline.org - developed by the Jed Foundation, it is a web-based resource that will provide students with a nonthreatening and supportive link to their respective college's mental health center as well as important mental health information.

Suicide, the Forever Decision by Dr. Paul Quinnett. Crossroad, New York, 1987

DISCLAIMER top
The material in this site is provided for personal use only and does not substitute counseling or help from a trained professional. University Counseling Services (UCS) does not endorse or recommend information on these self help pages with respect to any company or product. It is specifically designed for informational and educational use to aid in awareness and resources on certain topics. UCS makes no claims about use of this information as a treatment or replacement for professional mental health counseling. Site users are urged contact their mental health professional or contact the counseling department at 392-5475 if they wish to connect with a professional about any of these or other issues that may be distressing them.